I got inked...I'm addicted to it....

Ignoring for ignorings sake

So I feel like it has been a while since I last blogged and even then that they were not very helpful.

Well here I sit still in the grey not sure which to turn to. The grey sucks, and I must confess that there are lots of things pulling me to both directions. After talking to a very beloved friend, who advised me to be honest, I am going to be honest.

As I sat in work the other day on a lunch break with a co-worker and a friend they noticed my tattoo on my arm the one I have in Hebrew. They started asking me about it and when I told them it was a name for God they were intrigued. They asked me if I was religious, and I found myself telling them I was not sure. I told them I believed the teachings of the Bible, but if it was something I was actually going to follow, I was unsure about. It shocked me as soon as it came out of my mouth.

Having time to think about this statement (and having talked with my beloved friend) I have decided to not ignore the fact that I am ignoring God right now. Instead I am going to be open to God about the fact that I am ignoring him right now, and maybe whatever my questions are and whatever my anger (if I have any towards him) is then maybe I will be able to deal with it and then choose how I want to live.

Maybe many of you do not understand, but I am on a mission, and I am going figure this out. I am sick of people telling me the same old things over and over. It is not helpful (sorry though I do know you are trying to help) it makes me angrier then anything. So I am going to honest with God and tell him flat out I am ignoring. I will stop ignoring the fact that I am ignoring him. I will be honest with him (because he already knows) that I am ignoring him because I want to, because I am sick of rules and sick of feeling guilty and perhaps I might be angry towards him.

Lets see where this takes me.

Cheers,

Abby

Beginnings?

Hello friends...or whoever might be reading this blog (if anyone actually reads it at all),

I just thought I would let you know that I am tired of swimming. I might jump, in which direction I am unsure. I am unsatisfied right now in my current situation and I want to try something new. Though I am scared to wonder so far from the life I have always held close to. I would like some sort of change, but for most of you who do read this I am afraid to inform you that the change I am looking into is one in which you would consider bad, and you might consider me lost. And for those of you who do not get what type of change I am talking about then dont worry about it, it will not really effect you that much anyways.

Cheers,

To possible new beginnings??

Abby

Cold waters or Safe Arms?

I have been pondering the world lately. And before I continue on any further I must confess that I am once again in the struggling state. It is not so much the insecurity of who God is and the fact that my boat has been rocked. It is the fact that I have found my self maybe swimming in the waters of my God finding that I am not nearly as strong a swimmer as I thought I was. I have found that over the past little while I am not nearly as close with God has I have been. It is not that I don’t think he is there, I have already gone through that and am certain that he is present, as he is always present sometimes just a little further away then usual. But it is that I am currently having a conflict within myself. You see there is a nagging within me that talks and it has been with me for a while, so long in fact that I have found that I do not think twice when the nagging talks to me. Between the things I know about my God and the things the nagging tells me I find myself to be drowning. I feel as if God had brought me to this place of confusion to find away to meet with him again, but I must confess that I am at a loss as to how I am to meet with him. Many people I know would tell me just to meet him where I am at, but I do NOT know how to meet him in this place. I think perhaps as I swim in this ocean of my God and the nagging within me until no longer see land. One of two thing will happen the currents will carry me to a place where I meet with my God or I will be swallowed by to cold unforgiving waters because I am not really that strong of a swimmer to make it to the safe place in the arms of my God.

Just a little blurb for you to know my thought and where I am currently struggling.

Compambulance??

Well I am not sure what to write as my days all kind of run together in one big long day. The only day I really take a lot of notice of is Sunday because that is the day I get to go to church and the only day I break from my regular, all the others are much the same. Oh the life of the unemployed.
I went on a very interesting adventure with my mama this weekend. The destination: Ottawa. The reason: NAHC to watch Team Sask. I was really good to see that level of hockey again; I enjoyed watching the girls play. Unfortunately they came in fourth. I think what I enjoyed most about my weekend was the time I got to spend with my mom; I love my mom and am so grateful for her and her friendship.
Anyways my life these days is pretty plain. I am still in the midst of a job hunt and have no idea what to do. However I have had a lot of time to think about my future and what I should do with my life. Upon evaluation I am thinking once again about Paramedicine. I think I will explore this further and pray more about this hoping to keep my ears open to receive the guidance of my Lord. I must say that I like this career because I would be coming along side people in situations where they are most panicked and in they’re most need. I love the idea of being able to help in situations where it is life or death or simply something that is more precautionary. I love how every call is different and involves deep thought and care as well and intuition to figure out what is going wrong, and how to fix it or keep it stable until doctors get to it. In short I like the work Paramedics do, coming alongside people. Maybe this sits with the name my missed Kaleo Sevens have given me, Companion. Maybe it is another way to grow into this name that is much to big for me. To be a companion to those who are experiencing a medical trauma.

Well these are some of my jumbled thoughts right now.

Cheers.
Abby

Home Sweet Home??

Well, I have decided to continue this blog, I mean it is no longer about Kaleo it is just about my life. I suppose I will write it so all who read it can keep track of my wonderings.

So Kaleo has been over for two weeks now, and I must say that my heart has healed a bit since leaving my little loved ones. I am so thankful for the time I got with them and as upset as I might be that it is over it is nice knowing that it happened and that I have a family spread out over this country.

So I am currently sitting at home with Fresh Prince playing in the background as I type wondering what to write about my life. Nothing is very interesting has happened, I mean I got a trainer and am on a mission to get into excellent physical shape, thus I spend about two hours at the gym everyday working on my muscles. I am also on a mission to eat healthy, I am cleaning my body out of all the grease that was ingested at camp. So hears to a healthy summer.

I am also looking for a summer job. I have no idea where to work so I have applied to many different places. one of them has to hire me right?? Anyways I have applied to Swiss Chalet, Home Depot, Highwayman Inn, It's Time To Shine Cleaning, and I am looking into Furture Shop, a Gardening job and a job at a cute little store on main street called the Farmer's Daughter(I am hoping I get that one or It's time to shine).

This is all I can think to write right now.

Enthusiastically

Abby

Oh The Deep Deep Love Of Jesus

Hello again,
This week had been and overload of information. I had class with Cal Macfarlane this week. It was Christian worldview, I learned lots and I think my brain is still trying to recuperate from all that was taken in. I am not sure what to write about what I learned because I am not sure how to word it; I just know it was good.
Youth was a good one. We went to a Good Friday service in Nanaimo, I really enjoyed it, and I think that the youth did as well. On Sunday a family (the same family that had us over for thanksgiving) at the church had us over for lunch, it was fun and we got to know them better. It makes me a little sad to think of leaving this church, but at the same time I am excited to go off and start new adventures to wherever God calls me.

I am sorry that that update was so short but I must confess that there is some things that weigh heavier on my heart then class and youth and fellowship I will now relay the things that have been kept me deep in thought over these past three days and have many times over these days brought me to tears and repentance.

As we all know it was Easter weekend this past weekend. I woke up Friday morning expecting to go on a hike with all my fellow Kaleoers, but it was much to stormy for a hike, and I must say it was a very fitting storm for the day. It was like a small hurricane. Needles to say we did not go on the hike and we had our Good Friday Chapel in the fireside lounge. We talked about the death of Jesus and prayed all together as a group. It was insane, I don’t know what it was but I found myself in tears as we prayed. As I sat and thought about what Jesus has actually done for us I found myself breaking down in tears and realizing how unworthy I am of such an act, and I felt extremely guilty for having been the one to put him up on that cross, I delivered Jesus to his death. And he went willingly because of his love for me. I sat thinking about this love and how unworthy I am of such love, and I could not think how I would ever repay him for what he has done for me.. I came to the conclusion that such love that he has offered me can only be repaid in one way and that was by love, by loving him in return. As I sat there I felt that sweet warmth that fills my soul and my heart, the one that felt so distant for the longest of times, I could feel the Spirit moving inside of me, teaching me things I had somehow hardened my heart too. How blessed I am to live for a King who died out of love for me and others, only to want my love in return, I left that chapel with a new sense of love and a deep sense of mourning for the death of my beloved Jesus. Even as I write this I find that my eyes are stinging with tears thinking about the things my Lord went through for my sake, and how he did nothing to deserve it, it is something I will not understand.
Saturday night we watched the Passion of the Christ, and I once again found myself flooded with so many emotions that I am not sure I can begin to understand. How pure the love of Jesus is, and how beautiful he is. I was humbled and in awe of his ministry, and how he ended it only to start it. I found that I had trouble breathing as I watched the actor who portrayed him get beaten and hung up on the cross, that was only the physical pain pictured there, not the spiritual, my heart broke for Jesus. I could not get up after the movie I just sat there and cried and prayed, and prayed and prayed. Upon leaving I went up to my room read the crucifixion and the resurrection again crying out of sadness and joy, and then more prayer. It dawned on me once again the power and healing that comes from the love and blood of Christ. I must tell you that as I sat there picturing my Jesus hanging from the cross and how Jesus prays for those who hung him “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” This starling picture came to my mind of every time I sin, Jesus who is sitting beside the Father looks to Him and says, “My blood covered that one too.” How unworthy I am of him, and I am so grateful for Jesus!
Sunday, I woke with a joy built within me, “HE IS RISEN!!” I cannot tell you how I thought I would explode thinking about this, how He IS risen. I serve Jesus who conquered death; the grave could not hold him. My Lord conquered the only thing in life to fear…death, and now because of this I have no fear in death and sin does not hold me captive any longer! Praise God that I am free and all who believe are free!! I want to go and spread this to all who will listen, I want all to experience this freedom of not fearing death or sin, Jesus paid the price and all to him I owe!
This Easter was the most powerful Easters I have ever experienced. I think it is from studying so much of God and the life of Jesus. It took hold of me in a way I never could have imagined and I am so thankful for this. I was able to mourn the death of Jesus and then able to celebrate because he was raised from the dead, and I can continue to look ahead to when He will return.
All the things I was angry with God about and frustrated with are things I have decided I can deal with, I have over come my doubt in His graciousness and His mercy and His love through this weekend. I can put my trust in him knowing full well that His love is enough for me, I can struggle with any other things about him, and be angry about not understanding, but one thing I know is that HE LOVES ME!! And because of this his grace and mercy are real and flow out on me and everyone else.
I am certain that I will still struggle with prayer and reading my bible these next couple of months but I am going to push through and fight along side my God for this faith and this love. I might feel discouraged and I must say though I still feel like I am lost right now and alone I take comfort on the fact that Jesus loves me, and though I do not feel it right now, The Spirit is carrying me through this time, I can say this confidently because I have been promised, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:15) I am being carried and I am going to hold tight to the one who carries me through this darkness, clinging tightly to his love, and grace and mercy. I will continue to recite Hebrews 13:15 (Never will I leave you...)and Psalms 40:1-3

“I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a new place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” (Ps 40:1-3)


I will wait patiently, because God will answer and he will set me on a firm rock, and as for the song, I can feel it forming on my lips as I wait trusting in the hope he has given me.

Praise God for the death and resurrection of my Savior Jesus Christ!!

Peace be with you all who read this and please remember that His love is sufficient for us, it is a healing love, a forgiving understanding love, a love that gives us life.

Abby.

Hmm...

This week was a good week simply because it was. We went surfing on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I loved it; it was so much fun hanging out with everyone and being able to play in the ocean. I loved swimming and improving my non-existent surfing skills. The pressure of homework wore of slightly as one of the hardest classes was over and behind me, so it enabled me to truly enjoy being around everyone.

Friday when we got back was a bust day, I had a phone interview with Mount Royal University for their Broadcasting Program which I think I botched up but I am not to concerned about it seeing how I do not really want to go there and more. I also had QFX, which I just worked with the maintenance crew to set up a huge tent. After that it was homework time, and then time to work. I was scheduled for a full weekend of work with the junior’s retreat. I work the tuck shop and the All Star Team, which ran games. It was not as bad as I thought it would be, I think if I was able to just help out with games I could work at camp, it was just the right amount of interaction with kids and it was not stressful at all.

Well that is all I have to say for now. I am going into a week of class. I’ll update you on the next week.

Abby

...

I’m still puzzled by this entire blogging thing, it is interesting to me, seeing how I keep a journal but only write in it sporadically, this blog it the only thing that I actually write continuously on. Alas my memories will be caught in never-ending world of ones and zeros. I guess when one blogs there is no need for a journal? But I guess that is only true if one puts up ones most personal inner thoughts and chooses to make oneself completely transparent to the entire World Wide Web.

Monday I wrote the much feared Gospels exam and I must say it was not as terrifying as I thought it would be, however I will let you know how I really feel about it once I get the mark back, who knows it could turn in to some horror show, or it could turn into a something with rainbows and butterflies that one can eat because they are actually made of sugar simply because everything ending up going just the way one planned. Either way I think ‘m fine with it, I learned some good things in that class, and writing the paper for it really helped me along my journey of questions and answers (though it feels like for every question that gets answered two more question pop up in its place).

Tuesday and Wednesday was the DTG (ditch the guys), we went and did some aerobic dance thing, it was interesting to say the least….I don’t think aerobic dance exercises is my first choices when it comes to physical fitness, first of all I am not coordinated enough to do it, and second it was probably the strangest thing I have every done in a gym. It was fun though; I laughed a lot and had a lot of fun with the girlies. After we went to the guesthouse to chill out and talk, once again it was a pretty sweet time.

Thursday we went skiing for the day at Mt. Washington, which was a good day. I love skiing, and I had a lot of fun being in the mountains and being with good friends, it made me sad to think that that was probably the last time I will go skiing this year. Who knows when I will do it again.

Went to youth on Friday, it was the first youth that I went to were the new pastor was running it, he did a good job, I think Phil is a good fit for the youth there, I am sad he did not get there sooner. It is a little strange to think that I only have about three weeks left at the youth group, and I have to be honest, I really do not think I am really making a difference there. It is hard I struggle to have a heart to work with youth and it is something I pray about but it makes it so much harder to feel like I am doing something useful when I it seems like I am not.

Anyways, I need to go and put the final touches on my gospels paper so I have to leave. Hope your next week is filled with the previously mentioned sugar rainbows and butterflies.

ABBY

Rock The Boat.

Picture this; you are sitting in a nice little rowboat. You feel safe as the waves rock you gently back and forth the sun is bathing your skin in warmth and all seems calm and peaceful. You inhale deeply appreciating the warm salty scent of the sea air. You are happy and undisturbed that is until you realize you are laying on the ore, it is uncomfortable but you are fine with it, you think you can ignore it because you are just to comfortable to actually move it even though moving it will move you into the position of greater comfort. So as you sit in the boat relaxing in the sun the ore in you side gets more and more uncomfortable, it starts to irritate you to the point where you can no longer ignore it. It ruins your pleasant time where all seems right, it all fits and is comfortable. That ore is the thing that causes you to look into why maybe you are not as comfortable as you think and you decide to move it. But once you move it you find that the bailing bucket is now a source of discomfort, along with the other ore, in fact the more you move things and try to make them fit in places where you will once again have the blissful feeling of comfort and peace and security the more you come to be angry with the boat for being so small and constricting, the more you do not understand the design of your oh so loved little boat, and the more you try to figure the puzzle out the more the boat becomes cramped and confusing. Soon this little sanctuary becomes a place of anxiety and fear and anger, it has been ruined. As you try to look for the comfort you once had the further it seems to get. In your frustration you panic the boat starts to rock more and more violently on the waves that were so gentle they almost put you to sleep, in the end you end up falling in and you don’t know how deep it is…

So, this week was long week. Thirty-five hours of class, with Wes Olmstead. It was good but it was long. Gospels was really interesting, it got me thinking a little deeper on some things and it got me asking some other questions I think I was avoiding for a while. But here I stand face to face with all the things I wondered and now I am on a journey on figuring it out, heres hoping that it turns out and I come out stronger from wrestling with these thoughts and questions.

I did not go to youth this week because I was working in the kitchen so I have nothing to tell you there.

After church on Sunday Pastor Rob invited us to his house for lunch to tell them about the things we did at the Olympics. I was actually dreading as I wanted to do homework and study for the Gospels exam, but I actually had such a good time. I met the new Youth Pastor his names is Phil Hazzard. He seems pretty cool to me, I’m sure he will be a good fit for the youth.

As I sit here writing this I dawns on me how time is slipping by so quickly, and how I am not sure if I am ready to leave here. I am scared to go back out into the world, and I honestly am not sure if I will be able to stand up on my own, as I explore these new feelings and questions that have arisen over the past few weeks and months I hope that I will able to be rooted in something stronger then what I am now. It is scary exploring things when you think you are in a nice little safe nest with everything figured out.

…You fall into the water and it can be one of two things, deep or shallow. Say you were to fall in and it is deep. You tread water for a little while trying to keep your head a float as you watch your little boat get carried away by the currents and then growing to tired to hold your head up you drown. Or as soon as you fall in you start treading water for fear of drowning but after some time you realize that the water is in fact not that deep, and you stand up and are completely safe but you look and see you’re boat was carried away by the current. But I guess I lied, there is another option that could happen as soon as you fall into the water you realize that the water is not deep and you promptly stand up realizing you are safe and climb back into your little boat appreciating it for it coziness that you once thought was constricting because you now see that that was the thing that was keeping you safe all along. Upon climbing in you realize that there is a little compartment for the ore and buckets, it would seem the little boat is bigger then you thought, with much more places explore.

Sometimes rocking the boat is not the greatest idea because you could drown but then again you could find that the water is only waist deep and will be able to get back in to the boat that you once loved so much.

Thanks for reading.

Abby

Be Still And Know That I Am God.

Hey world,

Well for the first time in weeks I am not feeling stressed. It is kind of funny thought seeing how I have just started Gospels this week and should be stressed with the amount of work that I need to be doing every night, however I am not. This could have something to do with the fact that I have just come off reading break. It was nice go ‘home’ for a few days. I went to Calgary to visit Dale and Galen and relax from the business that was the Olympics; I think I have recovered from the crazy schedule. From Calgary I went to Caronport and met up with Caroline and Kurtis, it was a sweet time seeing them and some other much loved friends. There was a certain peace with going back there, I felt as if I did not belong there anymore and I must confess that it was nice knowing that that chapter of my life is closed (at least for now) God is preparing me for something and I am stoked on seeing what it is and how my time there plays into it.

Well I have not been at youth for the past month as I was at the Olympics and then on reading break so I have nothing to update you on there.

I can update you on my happenings in regards to schools next year though. I had a telephone interview with Mount Royal University in Calgary the other day for the Bachelor of Communications: Public Relations. It was interesting doing that interview; I found that in the interview it was hard not to bring my faith into the questions she was asking me. I think she was rather intrigued about the answers I gave because they all seemed to be based around God and my faith. I mean I do not think that will get me into the school but it was nice being able to share it and see that I am getting bolder about telling people about what I believe. I will not be to heart broken if I do not get in I mean this program is not even my first pick. I will find out in four to five weeks if I have been accepted or not. I am not to stressed about it though, actually I am feeling really relaxed and pretty content being where I am at right now. Though I do look forward to what God has in store for me next year in regards to hockey and school (please pray for me in this as I have recently talked with the Red Deer coach and he informed me that he is only going to be having one returning defensemen so he is looking to fill that gap, please pray for me as I explore this option and that if this is God’s will for me to go there that I will not be scared to act upon it.) I have decided I am young and have time to try out different paths until I find the one that is right. I also just want to soak up this time I have here with everybody, it seems like the harder I try to grip the time I have with them all the quicker it slips through my fingers…but that is life, got to take it as it comes and can not get greedy. Lets hope I don’t get to stressed and this relaxed peacefulness will not leave to soon, and when it does I hope it will not elude me as long as it did before.

The title of this blog really seems to be how I am feeling, being still and knowing that God is God, He is the source of this peacefulness. God is good.

Cheers,

ABBY

Olympics

OK. This has been a very trying month for me, and I must confess that writing a blog has been the furthest thing from my mind. But here I sit at 9:30 as sleep eludes me (I have been getting up a 3:45 every morning for the past two and a half weeks) writing a blog. I have lots to share with you but I am not sure how to go about doing it, so here are two big things.

Olympics. That is what I have been doing. And let me just tell you that it is draining, I am pooped, physically, mentally, emotionally and at times spiritually. Praying continually, talking and smiling at people all day, just basically loving on the world…literally as they come from all over the world. It is insane the things that are going on here, I am amazed at the work God is doing; He has shown up in a place where they tried to shut him out. It reminds me just how powerful and how in command He is. He has opened the door for so many of us to talk with people and share our faith, hope and stories.

The other day I had a conversation with this guy named Valdo. He is from Slovakia and has been in North America for four years going to school, he just finish college in Arkansas for business and a track scholarship and is traveling now. I had worked with him for a few days and we just swapped stories. It was not until we were working ski jumping that we got into a conversation about religion. We were talking about the religion that is most common in Slovakia (Catholicism) and he told me that he was not an overly religious person. He informed that his beliefs were based on ‘good morals’. I asked him what ‘good morals’ were and he basically told me that it was just living a good life not hurting anybody and living life to the fullest. I asked him how he plans to live his life to the fullest and he said by focusing on his family both the one he is in now and the one he plans to have. I can’t really remember how it all turned out but some how off of that we ended up chatting about heaven and hell a little bit and then morals again and the church. He told me that he had trouble understanding how some people could call themselves Christians and then go out a live lives that go against what the ‘believe’. I told him that I had problems with that also, and that for the longest time I did not want to tell people I was a Christian just because of the rep that we have gotten, I also told him that there was a time when I was not living the life God called me to but I still considered myself a Christian just because that was how I was raised. I told him that when I changed this and started looking at it from a new angle I realized that I need to tell people that I am a Christian so that they can see that is not how all Christians are and it is a life style, a relationship with the living God, one that takes work but one that is worth it. I told him about how full and beautiful life can be when we walk in step with our creator. We continued to talk about this for a little while and turned back to what a full life is. I gave him the verse John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” I told him that this is where I found life, and that this is where he could find the life he is looking for. I encouraged him to think about this and consider a life with Jesus. He told me he was not a religious person, but he was not closed off to the idea of God, that he would think about it and explore it.

I guess I am requesting that you pray for Vlado. That God might water the seed that has been planted within him and that he might come to know God and be in a relationship with him. I would ask that you pray that God takes hold of this man’s life and places a thirst inside of him that can only be quenched with God and His word and love. The God will transform Vlado’s heart.

Ok so part two of this. Being here at the Olympics has been very challenging, especially the first four days. These Olympics where the ones that I was aiming to play on Team Canada’s Women’s Hockey Team for and I found myself remembering that dream and I was sad, and angry towards the athletes that were competing because they are living my dream. I called Dale to talk with her, and after a emotional conversation with her, and some prayer I felt like God was calling me to something I had given up, something that I thought I was done with for the rest of my life. Hockey. Yes, the thing that ruled my life for so long, the thing that I had put ahead of God the thing that I had allowed to rule take over my life. I felt like God was calling me back to it, just when I made peace with the fact that it was no longer something God wanted me to do. So her I am, confessing to all who read this; I am going to try to get back into hockey, I feel as if this is something He is blessing me with, He took it away and is giving it back to me and I am so thankful for this gift. I am not going to make the same mistakes I did before, I have my priorities right this time and am going to keep God the center. However having said this I am scared, this is familiar territory but also so new. I am not the same person I was when I left, I like to think that I am stronger and will be able to handle this the way it should have been handled the first time. My fear in this though is that I might fail, that I might some how not have what it takes anymore and that I am to old and maybe two years off is a long time to take a break. I know these fears are irrational, especially if I have God on my side but never the less this is still something I fear and I think this is because of the fact that I am so scared that I will slip into the routine that I was in before with it. I mean I don’t think that I will because I have learned that I can live without it but I just don’t want it to be what it was before. And I know it will be better if I do it hand in hand with God, because everything is better that way. So here I am about to embark on the scariest thing I have done in my life and I am following God into the dark abyss that is the future. My goal is 2014, and I must confess I have always had a better feeling about those Olympics then 2010 anyways. I am going to cling tightly to God as a venture into a world that I was so lost in before, and I am going to pray that He is my strength, and my light. I can’t do this unless He is with me, honestly I am not capable of it without Him, there are thousands of women who are more deserving then me, who are better then me but if this is God’s plan and will for me then I am going to jump into it and remember to keep Him the center, because it is not even worth it if He is not in it, it is just pointless. I am going to stay focused on God throughout this and follow wherever He leads. All the glory be to Him.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25

Abby

I LOVE HEADLAMPS!!

This is a true story, ask anyone here and I think they will all tell you that I am unusually attached to my headlamp. Seriously, I LOVE that thing, like I think if any future Kaleos were to ask me what the best purchase I made was I would answer my headlamp. It is the best, it is green and lovely and I use easily once a day, and sometimes I wear it just for fun.

Anyways, this week was good; it was once again time for class. Theology I with Jim Paulson was a long one. I don’t really remember learning but I do remember that Jim was really funny. He said some memorable things such as;

“The silence in the room is different than the silence in the room before lunch when I thought we were all dying”

“It ends bad for him… the lake of fire thing” (about the devil)

“I see that buzz in the room every time I say something moderately stupid”

“If I may elaborate on that, let me just say: ditto”

“Worse case, you’ll be a heretic, and I don’t want that for you and me”

“She really had it figured out, she’s dead now.”(About Mother Teresa)

Yeah those were a few of my favorites of the week, I am not sure if you will understand them, but take comfort in knowing that I pee a little from laughing so hard at these.

Youth, well youth, it is still interesting; I must confess I am struggling here. I don’t know how to talk to these young people. So I guess I would like prayer on talking with them, like five months with them and I still do not understanding how to form relationships with them, I just don’t know how. We played family feud after George talked about how God shapes us in the hard times. It was good but I still think there is something missing, I am not sure what it is though.

In the end it was a good week all around; I just loved on everybody. I have found myself impossibly happy these days and I do not know what to do, I am pretty much insane I think, like actually I am pretty sure that I might have over-dosed on happy pills or something. I am actually out of my mind. Well let me get this off my chest, I am in love, yes you heard me, ABBY CALVERLEY IS IN LOVE!! With all the Kaleo Seven students and interns and leaders!! And I am so grateful that God has brought me to the magical yet some-what mythical land. Not kidding, I have not experienced community like this before and I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into the wonderful feelings of joy and affection. This I must confess scares the crap out of me, because by allowing myself to feel this way about all these people opens me up to be hurt. However after talking with Kristie one night I found myself questioning what is so wrong about getting hurt, it means I cared in the first place and I think I would rather care and be hurt then not feel (been down that path and I don’t want to do it again). So here I am allowing myself to feel these wonderful feelings and I must say that it makes me feel light and happy, kind floaty, I imagine this is what no gravity would feel like. So I am going to love on these people until I’m all out of love and then I am going to love on them some more.

Anyways moving away from this little love fest, I am sure that those of you who read this often (my mother) have noticed that I have changed the name of my blog. Well I figured that this title was much more fitting for the time of my life that I am in and the things that are changing within me (take note of previous paragraphs). I am being forced out of my carefully placed coloring lines and into some new unknown areas (sometimes my headlamp lights the way but most of the time it is God providing the illumination) and sometimes I don’t know if these areas are even crayon safe, like what if the colors clash? But lets be honest pictures look nicer when there is a little bit of color that splashes into areas you think it would not belong.

Basically what I am saying is that it can be nice to be messy, especially if it is because I know God is getting in there and being messy with me and that He will always be there to help me clean. What an awesome God he is (I bet he appreciates it when we color outside the lines). So here is to a new adventure of exploring life in a not-so-comfortable-relaying-on-God-to keep-me-sane- and-safe kind of way (or maybe it would be good for me to lose a little sanity it makes life more interesting after all).

Stay Frosty You Ninja Turtles!!

ABBY

Empty Mind

So this week no joke was slow!!

We had camp ministry with Jim and class was seriously the most thrilling part of my week. I had lots of reading to do and I must say the text was dry.

Um one day I went over to Jim house with Ben and Jenna and we made cookie dough with Danny (Jim’s son). I was fun we ate the dough with vanilla ice cream.

Youth was just a gym night; we played dodge ball and some other game where we had to crawl around on our hands and knees (this one hurt my knees to much stop participating once the first round was done).

Um on Sunday a man from church named Bill took us out to Tim Horton’s for lunch. He also had his friends Paul and his wife Jillian, they were very interesting people and it was nice getting to know them.

Well I am actually wiped and this sadly is all I can think of.

Peace and Love

ABBY

Down Hill or Up Hill??

Greetings,

So I am coming of the high of an amazing week of skiing. We went up to Mt. Washington for five days to ski and board. I cannot tell you how much I loved it. Skiing is the only sport that does not make me miss hockey, it is also the only sport that makes me as happy or even happier then hockey did.

It was amazing being up in a mountain, I loved how I could see snow and then in the distance everything was green. It was so beautiful!! I loved the five days of winter snow. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with a body that allows me to ski, and I am also so thankful that He has blessed with friends that I can enjoy doing it with.

It was a wonderful time, I hit my first jump and landed it (it was by total accident that this happened, I was going through the glades and I hit a jump and stuck it. And then when I stopped and turned around to see if Rivs saw it I fell over). I also met my husband, a lift operator name Richard (his accent and the fact that he is a skier makes up for the fact that his name is Richard). Anyways skiing was a lot of fun; I’m pretty sure I could do it everyday for the rest of my life and be happy about it. Maybe I’ll drop out of school and become a ski bum…hmm….

On Wednesday I went cross-country skiing with Marissa, Jenna, Bo, Justin and Ben. I learned that I absolutely suck at it but it was nice to go through and admire God’s creation in another way. I also have newfound respect for Justin and Ben for perusing this sport because it is hard. Like skiing up hill!??! WHAT THE POOP??? That is hard stuff. I like skiing down hill! Anyways Ben and Justin are tanks.

When we got back we went to youth, and I must confess I was really quite useless there, I was tired and almost fell asleep on multiple occasions throughout the night, I don’t really remember much except the putting competition. Sorry that I have nothing to profound to update you on.

Overall it think I had great week, it was really encouraging to see how we have grown as a community. And I must say that this trip was probably my favorite one so far...hmmm…I wonder if this could have anything to do with the fact that I got to go skiing for five day??

Thanks for reading.

Abby

Foxy Love...

Hey,

So this week was fairly uneventful. I had an exam on Wednesday for missions, I feel as if it went fairly well but I am not sure, as I tend to not be very good when it comes to exams.

I also started Camp Ministry. This course is taught by good all Kaleo Life Leader Jim Babke it is interesting to hear about camp from someone like Jim. I think that he is the best to be teaching this course to us. This course is spread out over the course of the month of January, which I must confess is nice. It is nice having it set up this way, although I do like modular classes it is a nice break.

Well I went to youth for the first time since I have been back; it was good to see all of the youth. George talked about relationships, it was good, but I feel as if he could have gone a little bit deeper on what a Godly relationship looked like, having said this the youth seemed to respond this rather nicely. It was funny listening to this lesson, I found myself reflecting upon childhood crush on Robin Hood…the fox. Strange that one might find oneself having feelings for an animated animal. I think it had something to do with his charming personality, subtle tenderness, witty quips and his foxy good looks, which I am pretty sure was only there because of the aforementioned charm, tenderness, and wit. I guess this proves that true beauty lies beneath the surface, so to truly discover the beauty of another you must take the time to develop a friendship. As it stands though I am afraid that any future suitors will have to live up to the standards the Robin Hood has set. Good Luck.

I ask that you pray for the youth as they pick their ways through the troubles that come along with adolescents and the whole sexual tension thing that goes along with it, it would seem to appear that they would need a lot of prayer in this area.

Anyways loved ones, I am off to bed, as I have to wake up rather early (4:30) to go skiing, but that is a story for another time.

ABBY

Greetings!

Hey Folks,

I’m back from a nice relaxing Christmas break. I spent time with the family in the freezing province of Alberta; I guess global warming is not affecting them too much there at least in the ‘warming’ sense. It was fun to be home interacting with the people that know me best after having not seen them for some time. It was nice to see the funny little relationships that I have with each of them. I must confess that I do find relationships quite mysterious and puzzling, I personally have trouble really wrapping my head around the idea of them, and maybe it is due to the fact that there are so many different variations. I mean there is friends, acquaintances, professionals, romance, ex…The thing that I find most fascinating is that even not having a relationship puts you in a relationship with someone. Funny how the thing that you think that does not connect you to a person is the very thing that does, the fact that it is non-existent.

Anyways moving on from that little rabbit trail as soon as I got back I was thrown into academia. Tim Stabell flew out from Briercrest to teach the course Theology of Mission. It was hard to get back into the swing of things after the break, it was like my brain was moving in slow motion and I could not get it to move faster. But I did enjoy the course, even if it was one of the longest weeks of classes that I have had.

Mission Fest Vancouver was this past weekend and I was counted as one in attendance. It was a good weekend it was so refreshing to see missionaries who are so passionate about the work that they do. It really made me wonder what it was my role is. How I am to help spread the word of God to those who need to hear it, how am I to play the part that God has chosen to me, and how am I to know the part that God wants me to play? All these questions are ones in which I hope to find the answers to as they are very important.

But I am exhausted and must turn in for some much needed slumber.

Good night dear ones I hope your dreams are filled with wonderful things and that it is restful and rejuvenating

Thanks for reading,

Abby