Hello again,
This week had been and overload of information. I had class with Cal Macfarlane this week. It was Christian worldview, I learned lots and I think my brain is still trying to recuperate from all that was taken in. I am not sure what to write about what I learned because I am not sure how to word it; I just know it was good.
Youth was a good one. We went to a Good Friday service in Nanaimo, I really enjoyed it, and I think that the youth did as well. On Sunday a family (the same family that had us over for thanksgiving) at the church had us over for lunch, it was fun and we got to know them better. It makes me a little sad to think of leaving this church, but at the same time I am excited to go off and start new adventures to wherever God calls me.
I am sorry that that update was so short but I must confess that there is some things that weigh heavier on my heart then class and youth and fellowship I will now relay the things that have been kept me deep in thought over these past three days and have many times over these days brought me to tears and repentance.
As we all know it was Easter weekend this past weekend. I woke up Friday morning expecting to go on a hike with all my fellow Kaleoers, but it was much to stormy for a hike, and I must say it was a very fitting storm for the day. It was like a small hurricane. Needles to say we did not go on the hike and we had our Good Friday Chapel in the fireside lounge. We talked about the death of Jesus and prayed all together as a group. It was insane, I don’t know what it was but I found myself in tears as we prayed. As I sat and thought about what Jesus has actually done for us I found myself breaking down in tears and realizing how unworthy I am of such an act, and I felt extremely guilty for having been the one to put him up on that cross, I delivered Jesus to his death. And he went willingly because of his love for me. I sat thinking about this love and how unworthy I am of such love, and I could not think how I would ever repay him for what he has done for me.. I came to the conclusion that such love that he has offered me can only be repaid in one way and that was by love, by loving him in return. As I sat there I felt that sweet warmth that fills my soul and my heart, the one that felt so distant for the longest of times, I could feel the Spirit moving inside of me, teaching me things I had somehow hardened my heart too. How blessed I am to live for a King who died out of love for me and others, only to want my love in return, I left that chapel with a new sense of love and a deep sense of mourning for the death of my beloved Jesus. Even as I write this I find that my eyes are stinging with tears thinking about the things my Lord went through for my sake, and how he did nothing to deserve it, it is something I will not understand.
Saturday night we watched the Passion of the Christ, and I once again found myself flooded with so many emotions that I am not sure I can begin to understand. How pure the love of Jesus is, and how beautiful he is. I was humbled and in awe of his ministry, and how he ended it only to start it. I found that I had trouble breathing as I watched the actor who portrayed him get beaten and hung up on the cross, that was only the physical pain pictured there, not the spiritual, my heart broke for Jesus. I could not get up after the movie I just sat there and cried and prayed, and prayed and prayed. Upon leaving I went up to my room read the crucifixion and the resurrection again crying out of sadness and joy, and then more prayer. It dawned on me once again the power and healing that comes from the love and blood of Christ. I must tell you that as I sat there picturing my Jesus hanging from the cross and how Jesus prays for those who hung him “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” This starling picture came to my mind of every time I sin, Jesus who is sitting beside the Father looks to Him and says, “My blood covered that one too.” How unworthy I am of him, and I am so grateful for Jesus!
Sunday, I woke with a joy built within me, “HE IS RISEN!!” I cannot tell you how I thought I would explode thinking about this, how He IS risen. I serve Jesus who conquered death; the grave could not hold him. My Lord conquered the only thing in life to fear…death, and now because of this I have no fear in death and sin does not hold me captive any longer! Praise God that I am free and all who believe are free!! I want to go and spread this to all who will listen, I want all to experience this freedom of not fearing death or sin, Jesus paid the price and all to him I owe!
This Easter was the most powerful Easters I have ever experienced. I think it is from studying so much of God and the life of Jesus. It took hold of me in a way I never could have imagined and I am so thankful for this. I was able to mourn the death of Jesus and then able to celebrate because he was raised from the dead, and I can continue to look ahead to when He will return.
All the things I was angry with God about and frustrated with are things I have decided I can deal with, I have over come my doubt in His graciousness and His mercy and His love through this weekend. I can put my trust in him knowing full well that His love is enough for me, I can struggle with any other things about him, and be angry about not understanding, but one thing I know is that HE LOVES ME!! And because of this his grace and mercy are real and flow out on me and everyone else.
I am certain that I will still struggle with prayer and reading my bible these next couple of months but I am going to push through and fight along side my God for this faith and this love. I might feel discouraged and I must say though I still feel like I am lost right now and alone I take comfort on the fact that Jesus loves me, and though I do not feel it right now, The Spirit is carrying me through this time, I can say this confidently because I have been promised, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:15) I am being carried and I am going to hold tight to the one who carries me through this darkness, clinging tightly to his love, and grace and mercy. I will continue to recite Hebrews 13:15 (Never will I leave you...)and Psalms 40:1-3
“I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a new place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” (Ps 40:1-3)
I will wait patiently, because God will answer and he will set me on a firm rock, and as for the song, I can feel it forming on my lips as I wait trusting in the hope he has given me.
Praise God for the death and resurrection of my Savior Jesus Christ!!
Peace be with you all who read this and please remember that His love is sufficient for us, it is a healing love, a forgiving understanding love, a love that gives us life.
Abby.
