check out my new blog musicofabbyslife.blogspot.com

its kinda just as it sounds.

Abby

I got inked...I'm addicted to it....

Ignoring for ignorings sake

So I feel like it has been a while since I last blogged and even then that they were not very helpful.

Well here I sit still in the grey not sure which to turn to. The grey sucks, and I must confess that there are lots of things pulling me to both directions. After talking to a very beloved friend, who advised me to be honest, I am going to be honest.

As I sat in work the other day on a lunch break with a co-worker and a friend they noticed my tattoo on my arm the one I have in Hebrew. They started asking me about it and when I told them it was a name for God they were intrigued. They asked me if I was religious, and I found myself telling them I was not sure. I told them I believed the teachings of the Bible, but if it was something I was actually going to follow, I was unsure about. It shocked me as soon as it came out of my mouth.

Having time to think about this statement (and having talked with my beloved friend) I have decided to not ignore the fact that I am ignoring God right now. Instead I am going to be open to God about the fact that I am ignoring him right now, and maybe whatever my questions are and whatever my anger (if I have any towards him) is then maybe I will be able to deal with it and then choose how I want to live.

Maybe many of you do not understand, but I am on a mission, and I am going figure this out. I am sick of people telling me the same old things over and over. It is not helpful (sorry though I do know you are trying to help) it makes me angrier then anything. So I am going to honest with God and tell him flat out I am ignoring. I will stop ignoring the fact that I am ignoring him. I will be honest with him (because he already knows) that I am ignoring him because I want to, because I am sick of rules and sick of feeling guilty and perhaps I might be angry towards him.

Lets see where this takes me.

Cheers,

Abby

Beginnings?

Hello friends...or whoever might be reading this blog (if anyone actually reads it at all),

I just thought I would let you know that I am tired of swimming. I might jump, in which direction I am unsure. I am unsatisfied right now in my current situation and I want to try something new. Though I am scared to wonder so far from the life I have always held close to. I would like some sort of change, but for most of you who do read this I am afraid to inform you that the change I am looking into is one in which you would consider bad, and you might consider me lost. And for those of you who do not get what type of change I am talking about then dont worry about it, it will not really effect you that much anyways.

Cheers,

To possible new beginnings??

Abby

Cold waters or Safe Arms?

I have been pondering the world lately. And before I continue on any further I must confess that I am once again in the struggling state. It is not so much the insecurity of who God is and the fact that my boat has been rocked. It is the fact that I have found my self maybe swimming in the waters of my God finding that I am not nearly as strong a swimmer as I thought I was. I have found that over the past little while I am not nearly as close with God has I have been. It is not that I don’t think he is there, I have already gone through that and am certain that he is present, as he is always present sometimes just a little further away then usual. But it is that I am currently having a conflict within myself. You see there is a nagging within me that talks and it has been with me for a while, so long in fact that I have found that I do not think twice when the nagging talks to me. Between the things I know about my God and the things the nagging tells me I find myself to be drowning. I feel as if God had brought me to this place of confusion to find away to meet with him again, but I must confess that I am at a loss as to how I am to meet with him. Many people I know would tell me just to meet him where I am at, but I do NOT know how to meet him in this place. I think perhaps as I swim in this ocean of my God and the nagging within me until no longer see land. One of two thing will happen the currents will carry me to a place where I meet with my God or I will be swallowed by to cold unforgiving waters because I am not really that strong of a swimmer to make it to the safe place in the arms of my God.

Just a little blurb for you to know my thought and where I am currently struggling.

Compambulance??

Well I am not sure what to write as my days all kind of run together in one big long day. The only day I really take a lot of notice of is Sunday because that is the day I get to go to church and the only day I break from my regular, all the others are much the same. Oh the life of the unemployed.
I went on a very interesting adventure with my mama this weekend. The destination: Ottawa. The reason: NAHC to watch Team Sask. I was really good to see that level of hockey again; I enjoyed watching the girls play. Unfortunately they came in fourth. I think what I enjoyed most about my weekend was the time I got to spend with my mom; I love my mom and am so grateful for her and her friendship.
Anyways my life these days is pretty plain. I am still in the midst of a job hunt and have no idea what to do. However I have had a lot of time to think about my future and what I should do with my life. Upon evaluation I am thinking once again about Paramedicine. I think I will explore this further and pray more about this hoping to keep my ears open to receive the guidance of my Lord. I must say that I like this career because I would be coming along side people in situations where they are most panicked and in they’re most need. I love the idea of being able to help in situations where it is life or death or simply something that is more precautionary. I love how every call is different and involves deep thought and care as well and intuition to figure out what is going wrong, and how to fix it or keep it stable until doctors get to it. In short I like the work Paramedics do, coming alongside people. Maybe this sits with the name my missed Kaleo Sevens have given me, Companion. Maybe it is another way to grow into this name that is much to big for me. To be a companion to those who are experiencing a medical trauma.

Well these are some of my jumbled thoughts right now.

Cheers.
Abby

Home Sweet Home??

Well, I have decided to continue this blog, I mean it is no longer about Kaleo it is just about my life. I suppose I will write it so all who read it can keep track of my wonderings.

So Kaleo has been over for two weeks now, and I must say that my heart has healed a bit since leaving my little loved ones. I am so thankful for the time I got with them and as upset as I might be that it is over it is nice knowing that it happened and that I have a family spread out over this country.

So I am currently sitting at home with Fresh Prince playing in the background as I type wondering what to write about my life. Nothing is very interesting has happened, I mean I got a trainer and am on a mission to get into excellent physical shape, thus I spend about two hours at the gym everyday working on my muscles. I am also on a mission to eat healthy, I am cleaning my body out of all the grease that was ingested at camp. So hears to a healthy summer.

I am also looking for a summer job. I have no idea where to work so I have applied to many different places. one of them has to hire me right?? Anyways I have applied to Swiss Chalet, Home Depot, Highwayman Inn, It's Time To Shine Cleaning, and I am looking into Furture Shop, a Gardening job and a job at a cute little store on main street called the Farmer's Daughter(I am hoping I get that one or It's time to shine).

This is all I can think to write right now.

Enthusiastically

Abby